Novelty

As I bade a cheery farewell to my former Superbrand colleagues last December, many were kind enough to inquire what I was intending to ‘do’ during my Sabbatical. ‘Live in France, drink a lot of wine, burn my Blackberry and lie in every morning’ didn’t cut the corporate mustard. I invented a tale about ‘writing a novel’ as I sailed from the shores of the shareholder to my creative retreat. The former colleagues, technologists to a man, looked impressed! Unfortunately they have now started to inquire about progress.

I purchased a couple of smock-like garments, started to wear my hair down with a fresh, Bohemian rake, waited for inspiration and for words to miraculously appear on the page. Nothing happened. I challenged Amazon to find me in the depths of rural France, ordering a couple of ‘How to write a novel’ publications. They found me. I studied and to my surprise, sitting around pouting like Virginia Woolf or tripping the light fantastic a la Aldous H wasn’t going to do it. To write a novel, the tomes espoused, I needed objectives, a plan, an outline design, milestones and targets. It felt like time was moving backwards.

Two weeks ago, someone (kindly) offered to read the first draft. The pressure is on. I have managed to sling 25,000 words into my laptop (25% of a first draft will keep her busy for a while). Early mornings, late nights, daily milestones, technical challenges, have crept back into my life uninvited. I haven’t even had time to don my smocks, let alone pout!

Today I drove to the nearest town with shops sufficiently substantial to have heard of printer cartridges. After much internet activity, a young man handed over the cartridges bearing the exact number of my printer. In went the cartridges, swiftly followed by an error message. A time warp had sucked me into its vortex! Several hours later and with hair resembling Tina Turner rather than the fragrant JKR, I find that my printer, purchased in Abu Dhabi, needs special Middle Eastern cartridges! Presumably with Islamic, alcohol free ink! I won’t find any of them in France!

 

On the bright side, I have a bona fide excuse for my nascent editor. If I can get some cartridges shipped over, I will deliver on my milestone sometime next week …… Insha’Allah!!*

See ‘Smallprint in the Sunshine’ – October 2013